In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole. These phrases are the basis of Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Quit” and Holly Whitaker’s “Quit Like a Woman” (based in part on the first program). The two methods helped me to cut my alcohol dependency completely. While that became less necessary after the first year, I still occasionally reread them and maintain my commitment to being a non-drinker. Asking what you can do to amend sends a message that you are looking to change your behavior.
- Many people find it so helpful that they continue to meet with the group in order to help others as they work to maintain their own recovery.
- It should be noted that their sample list also includes pride and fear.
- Primarily, we are looking for resentments, which can be much like poison to us if left unchecked.
- The 12 steps are a set of guiding principles that were developed by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as a way to help individuals struggling with addiction achieve and maintain sobriety.
- The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you.
- When you’re humble, you’re cognizant of the fact that you’re not a major part of the bigger picture.
What Does Making Amends Have to Do With Sobriety?
In a sense, it is a reassurance that your past mistakes will not happen again. Many substance users live in a cycle of mistakes and apologies that eventually begin to fall on deaf ears. Show that you are willing to break the cycle and apologize in a meaningful and lasting way. Starting the list is the most frightening part of Step 8 of AA, which is why it’s so important to actually do it.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
- Now you need to make amends to others so that you can start fresh with them as well.
- They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends.
- Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors.
That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment. The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now.
Sobriety in AA: We made changes to stop drinking
Once we accept our need for a sober support network, we can begin relying on others. Once we can begin relying on others, we can accept that we are not in complete control. These admissions will assist our recovery—but only if we are willing to make them. The program and this step made what is a living amends me see that it was their own doing; they made the choice. This was after they both had died and I am sorry that I couldn’t take this issue up with them personally. But I know they will know, we had settled everything made our amends to each other and enjoyed the rest of their lives.
The 12 Principles of AA is essentially the work of AA’s founders, but early in AA’s history, the organization listed six principles, many of which were influenced by the founders’ experience with The Oxford Group. By 1939 and the publication of The Big Book, Wilson and Smith revised their principles, expanding them to reflect their work and its progress. https://ecosoberhouse.com/ AA is, of course, heavily focused on principles of Christianity, but many of today’s groups have modernized the tenets to reflect a more diverse audience. Even so, the 12 Principles of AA have remained its central guiding influence. Many people suffering from alcoholism continue to find success in recovery by participating in AA’s program.
What Do You Say When Making Amends? – The Step 9 Amends Letter
It’s so vital that this chapter is frequently invoked at most AA meetings. “How It Works” has strong tie-ins with Step Three and Four of AA’s Twelve Steps and provides further explanation of how these steps can be fulfilled. In addition to diving into the deeper meaning of this passage and how it can be applied to the lives of those in recovery, we will also look at why it’s so often referenced in group meetings. Step 9 is another one of the 12 steps, that initially appears most difficult, but the rewards of putting this principle into practice can be immense.
When Should You Approach a Person to Make Amends?
- Wilson, who was struggling with alcoholism, originally sought out help from a Christian organization, The Oxford Group.
- Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction.
- If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done.
- This reminds you that the spirit of the eighth Step goes beyond forgiveness and includes compassion, honesty, humility and other qualities built up in previous steps.
